Part 51: Battle Under The Big Bridge

PART 51: BATTLE UNDER THE BIG BRIDGE


Empress Celene was merely awaiting his response.

A response that never came and now never will, thanks to Loghain's treachery.

Never is a long time, Alistair. Give it time and let cooler heads prevail. There will be peace between us yet.

Well, I hope you live to see it, Wynne.

And I hope the darkspawn don't.



[On the one hand, Cailan's scheming was a smart call. When faced with the end of the world, you reach out to whoever can help, regardless of your history. And forging a permanent alliance through marriage with the most powerful nation in the world is good business for kings.

On the other, what are the odds that he's being played by the Orlesians? Pretty high, actually, especially with Dragon Age: Inquisition giving us some insight into the character of Empress Celene. As she is a) smart, b) ruthless and c) a lesbian, it doesn't look likely that she's sweet talking Cailan for philanthropic or romantic reasons.]





I thought there would be more bodies.

Long vanished into darkspawn stewpots by now.

Morrigan!

What? 'Tis true. A fresh corpse can sate a hungry hurlock for a week. Longer, if smoked.

I don't want to know how you know these things.

No, no, you probably don't.



Stop it you two. I've found something.



*flash*



*flash*



*flash*



*flash*



Here hangs King Cailan, last of his line.





Oh, now what?



A Capra Demon!



[You will likely be so focused on fighting these skeletons, including a dangerous skeleton mage, that you completely fail to notice...]



[...the darkspawn sneaking up behind you. Yes, it's a pincer battle. ]



[For me this fight involved flipping back and forth between sides as targets closed in. The correct way would probably have been to just pick a side and plough through it, but, eh, you don't come to this LP for any of that high-falutin' tactical nonsense.]



How did the darkspawn knew who he was? Why did they bring the body here? Why did they give him wings? I've been fighting these things my entire life and I still don't understand them.





[There are more darkspawn on the other side of the bridge. They have a neat trick this time round.]



[See the beartraps? See the ballistas? See the beartraps in front of the ballistas? Right. Genlocks will fire the ballistas into the melee causing a load of damage if you get hit by one. Which you won't, so long as you don't get caught in front of them. Good job Bianca's got her trap-detecting hat on.]



Hurlock strategist? Run screaming with an axe is a strategy now?

The trap with the ballistas was quite cunning.

Yes, but it was foiled by us all taking two steps to the left.

Mr Strategist has some niiiiice gloves.



Is it common for kings to go into battle wearing a tapestry?

On the surface maybe.





[The Hurlock General has the penultimate piece of Cailan's armor.]



Shiny. Too shiny



Back up the tower. It seems like only yesterday we were almost horribly killed here.

I hope the darkspawn have stuck to the ground floor. I'm not climbing all those stairs again.



Hey, it's that guy!





Oh, don't leave. We were just getting started.



[Most of the enemies in the tower are Hurlock and Genlock Grunts, a special variant that has all the skills of a regular darkspawn but hardly any HP. They die in about 2 hits. They're used to pad out the numbers in big epic battles. Like this one! Kind of.]



[The Ogre is weaker than the others we've fought, but it still has a few nasty surprises. Such as being able to grab a hero and crush them to a pulp.]



Glah!

Don't let him hug you, Alistair! His hugs are deadly!

Do something!



On the down side, Alistair is alive. But on the up side, we now have a lovely ice sculpture.





Why is it colder in here than it was outside?

Because the ancient Tevinter didn't understand insulation. Or subtlety.





Well, you first.

Shouldn't you go first? Don't you have 'stone sense' or something?

As your Warden Commander, I will ignore your incredible racism if you jump down this pit right now.







A few darkspawn, but this place isn't as bad as I expected.



I take it back! I take it all back!

Bleh!



[These Darkspawn Tunnels, as the map calls them, are a linear path through some ancient ruins, with occasional spiders.]



I'm in another bad hug situation!



Looks like there's a way out up ahead.



This was where it ended.





Oh there you are.



*vwummm*





Grrrrrrraaaaaaargggghhhhhh!



What manner of bullshit is this?!



[So, the Ogre that killed Cailan and was killed by Duncan is back! It's only taken, like, 36 updates.]



[The Ogre's big and tough, and the Genlock Necromancer will start turning the corpses littering the area into angry skeletons, so this fight can get a little overwhelming if it goes on too long.

Fortunately, Morrigan successfully hit the Ogre with a Paralysis spell, so everyone just beat the hell out of it while it stood frozen. It didn't even get one attack off before it died.]



[After that, the Genlock's easy.

He drops Cailan's Helm, the final part of the armor set.]





And if I may say so, m'lady, you appear to be getting younger by the day.

Be careful who you flirt with, young man. When you wake up besides me tomorrow morning, I'll be back to reminding you of your grandmother.

Beside you?

You heard what I said. It would not be the first time I woke to a younger man in my bed.

...Are all women this evil and conniving when they grow old?

Just me, my dear. Just me.



No wonder you're single, Alistair.

Let's not have this conversation, shall we... Oh, look, swords.



[Both of Duncan's weapons are still embedded in the chest of the Ogre, so they're ours now. Pretty neat!]



He would have wanted you to have these.

They're a commander's weapons. They're rightfully yours.

Yeah, but... how about I take the dagger, and you take the sword?

Deal... Thank you.

I don't have the upper body strength for the sword anyway.





Let us leave. We've done everything we came for.

Almost everything.


CUT TO...



Alistair, are you alright?

Ugh. They've left him here to rot. We need to do something.

He is of royal blood and deserves a pyre. It's how I'd want to go.

He was a good man who hoped too much and died too young. He deserves what little honor we can afford to grant him.



(Barkley howls mournfully.)

I never knew the dog was a monarchist.

Come on. We've got trees to chop.


AND SO...



[And this is it, the end of Return to Ostagar. We burn the king and leave forever. We could have left Cailan nailed to his crescent thing, but it would've made Alistair sad.

Imagine the Return of the Jedi music is playing.]




NEXT TIME: Leliana reveals her big secret, Wynne reveals her big secret, and Zevran revels how much he likes murder